Woefully Ill Equipped

A month of Cross-Cultural training has taught us many things but the thing that sticks out the most is that we cannot do this. This training has made us feel like this:

We have no idea how to communicate on a heart level with the Shawi or Peruvian people in Yurimaguas.  Even though Jennifer speaks Spanish, communicating at that level is something different, and the rest of the family doesn’t speak any Spanish.

We have no idea how to move our family to another hemisphere.  We have struggled to move them to North Carolina temporarily.  Henry asks when we can go home.  For that matter, he still asks to move back to the house we moved out of 10 months ago that was ¼ mile down the road from our current house.  Lucy is struggling with missing friends and family at home.  They have also both experienced intestinal issues here which is not common for them and we’re wondering how much is due to all the changes in their lives. These are all things that are not going to get any easier, only harder.

We have no idea how to maintain our marriage throughout this who process.  We’ve talked about it in class but we recognize it will be a challenge.  We’re both struggling emotionally with different things.  We love our children – but they are always with us – and this is likely to continue for some time as we leave family and our supply of babysitters.  It is hard to find time to be alone together and emotional energy to connect. 

We have no idea how to live in a city.  We are country people.  We like our space and our privacy.  We enjoy our quiet road that we can run and walk on and our acreage we can play on without interruption.  We are still in the country during training, but we live in an apartment complex and are with great people all the time and it is exhausting.  Our children are making wonderful friends and enjoy having 24 hour a day playmates, but it is hard to find quality family time.  How much more difficult will this be in a city where we found little green space or recreational options?

We have no idea how to engage in spiritual warfare – and they assure us it is coming.  Not just at us but at our children as well.  We have no idea how to keep our children safe. Likely we won’t succeed and they’ll end up with parasites and possibly even malaria and who knows what else.

We have learned how incapable we are.  Yet we must go.  We can’t not go.  As much as we long for God to call us to Goshen, to family, friends, safety, and what we know, He has not.  As hard as this is and is going to be, He is using it for His glory and purpose.  He is doing a work in us and we have faith that He’ll use us to continue His work in Yurimaguas because He has called us there.  

We have also learned the joy in being incapable.  Where we are unable, God is able.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  When we surrender, He is mighty.  We are learning to rely on and trust Him for everything because we cannot do any of this.  One does not have to be called into missions for this, but He is using this calling in us to humble us in a new way and to draw us closer to Him.  For that we are very thankful.

There is no way that this should work. It is not efficient for someone to enter another culture, learn the language, and present the gospel. Why would God use this method to spread his love? Why would God use us when we are so incapable? So ill equipped? We voiced this concern to a facilitator here and he made things clear when he said, “that proves God’s existence, if He can use a weak fumbling idiot like me to spread the gospel that proves how great and powerful He is.” Our ultimate goal is NOT for people to look at our lives and say “wow, they are good people” our goal is for people to look at our lives and say, “wow, God is a great God” After a month here we feel completely beaten down, but that is good. Now we can truly say: I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."                                                                                         2 Corinthians 12:9-10

                                                                                                                             ~ Josh and Jennifer